After publishing my story, What Made Marriages Work On An 1858 American Homestead, a few of you have written to ask why I picked the year 1858?
Well, it's because I found the following article, A Wife's Prayer, buried in newspaper archives. The small article was published on January 16, 1858, in the Stockton Independent newspaper. And, from what I gather, it was a sentiment that was widely shared among women of the time. I see it as evidence of the spirit of toughness and support that was a huge part of marriage back in the day.
A Wife’s Prayer — Many good things have been written concerning the duty of a wife to her husband, but the following beautiful and touching prayer expresses all. It is the entire duty of a truthful and loving wife — the greatest blessing which Heaven can grant to man. Wives, read it; and girls, let every word be impressed upon your hearts, in letters of gold:
“Lord bless and preserve the dear person whom thou hast chosen to be my husband; let his life be long and blessed, comfortable and holy; and let me also become a great blessing and a comfort unto him, a sharer in all his sorrows, a meet helper in all the acts and changes in the world, make me amiable forever in his eyes and forever dear to him. Unite his heart to me in the dearest love and holiness, and mine to him in all its sweetness, charity, and complacency. Keep me from all ungentleness, all discontentedness and unreasonableness of passion and humor and make me humble and obedient, useful and observant, that we may delight in each other, according to Thy blessed word, and both of us may rejoice in Thee, having for our patron the love and services of God forever.”
-- Author Unknown
As for the 1858 article in the Stockton Independent, published on January 16, 1858, A Wife's Prayer, as I stated in my article What Made Marriages Work On An 1858 American Homestead, American pioneer couple faced incredible challenges during America's Westward expansion. Nothing about their lives was what we today would call "easy." Even the journey itself was arduous and cruel. The journey West often lasted six to eight months with little time for rest, even during childbirth along the trail.
The journey West in the 1850s was a 2,000-mile, six-month ordeal of extreme physical hardship. Those coming West endured brutal weather, freezing nights, scorching heat, unforgiving terrain, scorching deserts, treacherous river crossings, and disease -- especially cholera and dysentery.
As for the disease? It's true. While accidents and deaths involving wagons, firearms, hostiles, and rattlesnakes were common, it was cholera, dysentery, and measles that were the primary killers of American pioneers coming West. The reason for that is that those diseases were spread by poor sanitation and inadequate nutrition.
Wagons moved slowly, only about 8 to 20 miles per day. And yes, this pace forced many to walk the entire journey. Pioneers faced broken wagons, scarce water, and dangerous terrain, with mortality rates estimated between 4% and 10%. If wagons broke down, travelers were often left to fend for themselves since the wagon train couldn't wait for people to make needed repairs or find fresh oxen. This led to the separation of family members who had to push on ahead.
Food supplies often ran low, forcing families to abandon possessions or face starvation. But, despite the perils and the risks, the promise of a better life drove thousands to undertake this journey. That is what drove pioneer married couples to face extreme hardships, physically demanding labor, isolation, and constant danger. It was not romantic or an adventure. It was toughing it out when things weren't easy. It was striving for a better life and working toward a dream of having your own place.
As for women who faced pregnancy and childbirth, most times, whether it was while enduring the long journey West walking beside wagons, or giving birth in wagons with no springs, women often faced childbirth without medical assistance and were considered fortunate to have whatever help they could get from the other ladies in a wagon train.
On homesteads, the mortality rate for women was high. And yes, that is also the reason that some men were married to multiple wives during their lifetime; many women died during childbirth or from frontier conditions. The isolation meant there was no trained medical assistance nearby. Births were typically handled by midwives or family members, if available. Women often delivered alone or with only family present, making any sort of complication fatal for either or both in some cases.
Let's remember, besides a lot of other things that can go wrong, those pioneer women went without access to antiseptic techniques. That in itself led to high rates of infection. And yes, just as it would be today, with infections, there was the possibility of sepsis.
And here's something else: pioneers worked hard. The extreme physical labor, combined with poverty, meant that life required relentless work to survive. So, along with clearing land, building log cabins, growing crops, tending to livestock, and maintaining things, exhaustion was commonplace. And really, why shouldn't they be exhausted? Their daily life involved working from sunup until sundown.
Chores on an 1858 homestead were relentless, sun-up to sun-down tasks focused on survival, involving heavy manual labor, livestock care, and food production. Daily routines centered on milking cows, feeding animals, tending gardens, chopping wood, hauling water, and repairing tools, with women managing cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
On homesteads, cows and goats required milking twice daily. Livestock was fed, and water was made available by hauling buckets. There's also the chore of cleaning stalls and gathering eggs. And as for the field work, there was plowing, tilling, planting, and harvesting crops, often with horses or oxen. There was seasonal planting in spring, haying in summer, and harvesting in autumn. Harvesting food was usually a family affair, with everyone doing their part.
And let's not forget that a homesteader in 1858 still built and repaired fences. They also built and repaired their tools and harnesses for their horses, mules, or oxen. And in winter, there was still the job of breaking ice for water. As for facing food shortages and poor sanitation, that was a constant fear and a constant problem. Of course, settlers also dealt with the constant strain of cold, insects, and the fear of injury. An injury that kept a man or a woman from working their homestead would have been catastrophic.
Household chores also had to be done. There was carrying water for cooking and cleaning, chopping wood for heating, and using in a cookstove. Doing laundry was all about rubbing clothes on a washboard, boiling, and wringing them by hand. Sewing, mending, and repairing clothing to maximize their use was normal for everyone. So was food preservation like canning, smoking meat, curing, and making soap from lard. Baking bread, churning butter, preparing meals from scratch, and tending the fire.
As for children, they learned that shirking was not tolerated. Some children did fieldwork, milked cows, tended animals, churned butter, helped make soap, brought in wood to keep a fire going, and hauled water. And yes, carrying water, often from distant sources, a task that became harder in winter. The youngest were usually assigned to gathering eggs, weeding the family gardens, and maybe fetching water.
It took a tremendous amount of grit to farm, build a homestead, and navigate the hardships of the frontier. There are reasons that we refer to stalwart Americans as folks who have a "pioneer spirit." Their typical life was all about hard work and being self-sufficient. The couples, back in the day, demonstrated remarkable resilience in carving out lives on the American frontier, often with minimal resources. Frankly, they had limited resources for comfort.
Let's remember, besides a lot of other things that can go wrong, those pioneer women went without access to antiseptic techniques. That in itself led to high rates of infection. And yes, just as it would be today, with infections, there was the possibility of sepsis.
And here's something else: pioneers worked hard. The extreme physical labor, combined with poverty, meant that life required relentless work to survive. So, along with clearing land, building log cabins, growing crops, tending to livestock, and maintaining things, exhaustion was commonplace. And really, why shouldn't they be exhausted? Their daily life involved working from sunup until sundown.
Chores on an 1858 homestead were relentless, sun-up to sun-down tasks focused on survival, involving heavy manual labor, livestock care, and food production. Daily routines centered on milking cows, feeding animals, tending gardens, chopping wood, hauling water, and repairing tools, with women managing cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
On homesteads, cows and goats required milking twice daily. Livestock was fed, and water was made available by hauling buckets. There's also the chore of cleaning stalls and gathering eggs. And as for the field work, there was plowing, tilling, planting, and harvesting crops, often with horses or oxen. There was seasonal planting in spring, haying in summer, and harvesting in autumn. Harvesting food was usually a family affair, with everyone doing their part.
And let's not forget that a homesteader in 1858 still built and repaired fences. They also built and repaired their tools and harnesses for their horses, mules, or oxen. And in winter, there was still the job of breaking ice for water. As for facing food shortages and poor sanitation, that was a constant fear and a constant problem. Of course, settlers also dealt with the constant strain of cold, insects, and the fear of injury. An injury that kept a man or a woman from working their homestead would have been catastrophic.
Household chores also had to be done. There was carrying water for cooking and cleaning, chopping wood for heating, and using in a cookstove. Doing laundry was all about rubbing clothes on a washboard, boiling, and wringing them by hand. Sewing, mending, and repairing clothing to maximize their use was normal for everyone. So was food preservation like canning, smoking meat, curing, and making soap from lard. Baking bread, churning butter, preparing meals from scratch, and tending the fire.
As for children, they learned that shirking was not tolerated. Some children did fieldwork, milked cows, tended animals, churned butter, helped make soap, brought in wood to keep a fire going, and hauled water. And yes, carrying water, often from distant sources, a task that became harder in winter. The youngest were usually assigned to gathering eggs, weeding the family gardens, and maybe fetching water.
It took a tremendous amount of grit to farm, build a homestead, and navigate the hardships of the frontier. There are reasons that we refer to stalwart Americans as folks who have a "pioneer spirit." Their typical life was all about hard work and being self-sufficient. The couples, back in the day, demonstrated remarkable resilience in carving out lives on the American frontier, often with minimal resources. Frankly, they had limited resources for comfort.
Homesteaders faced constant threats, including harsh weather, illness, and in some areas there was the problems of hostiles of all colors. Daily life required, as one settler noted, living on "work and love," sometimes spending years without basic amenities like a fireplace or stove, relying on wood fires against cabin logs. Wives, while managing the home, played a crucial role in farm labor and managing the homestead itself.
The irony is that in the 1850s, married women were legally subordinate in the eyes of the law. That meant they had to rely on their husbands for legal standing regarding property, while in fact serving as the emotional backbone of the home.
Life on an 1850s homestead was defined by constant, labor-intensive chores that spanned from dawn until dusk, leaving little time for leisure. Family members, including children, worked from morning until night, leaving few opportunities for rest or comfort. Daily survival required endless tasks. So no, there's no doubt that by the 1850s, a homestead was demanding. But, though that was the case, a lot of families made them work.
Marriages on homesteads in the 1850s required immense strength, grit, and dependence on each other. Often described as "toughing it" through a lifestyle that combined extreme physical labor, isolation, and a lack of basic shelter or resources. Marriage was a partnership essential for surviving the harsh realities of the American frontier.
So when asked, what made marriages work, and ultimately stronger, on an 1850s American homestead? The answer might simply be that, like today, life and marriage require immense emotional fortitude and a strong belief in God on the part of both the husband and the wife. That sort of resilient, clear-headed, purposeful resolve can hold things together through anything.
Don't believe it when people say that women were not coming West and homesteading didn't start until the Federal Government enacted the 1862 Homestead Act. The fact is that homesteading started and women came West by 1836 on the Oregon Trail when the first wagon train was organized in Independence, Missouri.
Though only a small persentage of the overall population at first, with only 3 to 4% being women, American pioneer couples homesteaded as a partnership. It was intense labor, and it took resilience to adapt to life on the American frontier. They worked together to build homes, till the land, and survive extreme conditions. Their lives centered on self-reliance. They farmed, worked hard, and created huge families.
Their partnership was about survival characterized by "hard living." It was a life with no modern 21st Century conveniences. And no, not everyone made it. Some would-be pioneers returned East.
As for those who stayed, it was a life that demanded absolute cooperation between husband and wife. They had respect for the defined roles in their marriage. Men were responsible for building cabins, hunting, and the toil and hard work of breaking new ground and farming land that never tasted a plow.
While women worked doing many of the farm chores, they were also responsible for educating their children, sewing, making clothing, washing, cleaning, gardening, canning, food preservation, and managing their home. And while the role of women in the Old West was essential to the success of farming and homesteading, we forget that men built churches, schools, and brought lawlessness in raucous towns under control just to civilize the West for women.
Tom Correa
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